1. THE DOWNWARD CREEPING CROTCH
OK that maybe sounds worse than it is, but this drives me crazy. I wear dresses A LOT, and I love colours, so that means that I wear tights almost every day. I have yet to find the perfect solution for this issue. The problem is that gravity seems to love the crotch of my tights, and so instead of just staying where it should be, it tends to like to hang out half way down my thigh. I cannot function until I pull everything back up, which involves collecting the excess starting at the ankles and pulling it up to my knees, then getting it back up to where it should be by doing a special wiggle dance. When everything is back in the right place, it feels SO GOOD. My boyfriend says that he never sees other women pulling at their tights the whole time so I’m guessing either other ladies have tights that don’t fall down, or it doesn’t bother them. I’ve been told to wear knickers over my tights but than the knickers go down with the tights and then it is doubly annoying.
2. DROPPING BRA-STRAPS
I’m guessing every bra-wearing-person goes though this, but maybe it bothers me more than the average person. I feel like I’m in a straight jacket if my bra straps slip down over my shoulder to dangle annoyingly towards my elbows.
3. SLEEVE RESTRICTIONS BASED ON POSSIBLE BRA-STRAP SIMILARITY
I can’t wear cap sleeves because I go mad thinking my bra strap is hanging down all day.
4. TAKING YOUR SHOE OFF SEVERAL TIMES A DAY
I have to stop what I am doing a couple of times a day to take off my shoes and fix the seam of my socks because it is bothering my toe. Why can’t socks be made without a seam? The seam of tights is worse, because it is on the end of the toe it always ends up under my toes and then I have to take my shoes off and fix it. If I try to ignore these things I start to feel very uncomfortable and panicked. Needless to say, I avoid walking in sand, the thought of it getting between my toes even makes me shiver right now in the sand-less safety of my sofa.
5. SUNGLASSES ARE A BASIC SURVIVAL ACCESSORY
My eyes cannot handle sun, I wear sunglasses for most of the year. My blinds are always closed at work. If it is too bright I cannot concentrate, my forehead does the frowny thing so bad that I get a pain in my face.
6. BEING AWARE THAT A HAIR JUST FLOATED DOWN AND LANDED ON YOU
While typing this I had to stop to pick up a stray hair that had fallen om my arm, that sensation bothers me so much, when I am sure other people wouldn’t even notice if there was a hair on their arm.
7. REDOING YOUR HAIRSTYLE OVER AND OVER BECAUSE ONE HAIR IS PULLING TOO TIGHT
So I can spend ages creating the most fabulous up-do you can even imagine and end up tearing it down and throwing hair-pins at the wall two seconds later because one single hair was pulling too tight.
8. TOO MUCH NOISE CAUSES YOUR BRAIN TO SHUT DOWN
If the television or radio is a bit too loud it’s like my brain can’t function anymore. I can’t read or write or do anything until I go turn it down, and then other people complain that they can’t hear it anymore.
9. FEELING VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT BEING TOO COLD
So you may already have noticed that I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to cold weather. Why else would anyone go to the effort of writing a whole article about how to keep warm! Cold weather makes me want to say bad words.
10. FEELING VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT BEING TOO HOT
I tend to put on many many layers of clothes before leaving the house, that often means that by the time I get where ever I am going that I am overheating. This makes me feel claustrophobic, hyper and leads to me tearing off my clothes upon getting home.
11. NOT BEING ABLE TO IGNORE SMALL ANNOYING THINGS
I cannot count the times per day I have to have to liberate underwear that has crawled between the cheeks, thongs are not for me! I can’t imagine that the shape of my bottom is so unique that I am the only person who suffers from this. So probably the average person
12. CUTTING OFF ALL THE LABELS
It doesn’t matter how expensive something was, or how special the brand, the first thing I do when I get an item of clothes home from the shop is to cut off all the labels. Suffering all day because of an itchy label is just not something I can tolerate.
13. I CAN’T CARRY A CLUTCH (OR ANYTHING)
I adore tiny handbags as much as the next guy but no matter how many of them I buy, I still can’t seem to master the skill of constantly having something in my hands. I can only handle handbags with a long diagonal over-the-shoulder strap, anything else drives me potty. I need to have my hands free at all times, which means I LOVE pockets!
First published on Bustle March 2015